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“Le seul moyen d’affronter un monde sans liberté est de devenir si absolument libre qu’on fasse de sa propre existence un acte de révolte.“

– Albert Camus

I cannot logically prove the rights and wrongs of any of the things in this world and in this age. I cannot make sense of our desire for unification of the universe. I cannot make sense of any of what I have seen or experienced. Amid chaos, however, by turning the direction of questioning from outward to inward, it seems that I am able to gain more clarity of this universe that we live in.

This website is an archive of my writings. I hope you enjoy.

We talk big games. Climate change, democracy, human rights, freedom, marxism, neo-socialism, etc. I also come from a background that highly praises the so-called “contributions to the society” and “doing things bigger than oneself”. However, I have always failed to recognize significance in anything other than

a) direct observation of the physical presentation of earth (mountains, rivers, man-made things like buildings and trains, people-watching).

b) human-to-human affairs (compassion, solidarity, competition, inter-personal dynamics, sex).

Some might call a) the intellectualism and b) the direct experience but I am not sure how I came up with this distinction and I cannot say for sure that the labelling is identical to my categorization. The point I am trying to illustrate is that the experience of significance (which, to me seems to be something that makes me choose to live instead of commiting suicide) for me, at least, stems from simpler forms of things rather than more heroic ones like becoming a lawyer, owning a company, success or making any sort of “great contribution” to the world or living a life that is for something “greater than oneself”. I find the standard that we use to label things positive and negative to be groundless and misleading.

We rank people beyond the academic excellence according to the schools and exams and we say that it’s efficient and that it is needed. Behind all the med track courses, LSAT scores, engineering degrees stand frightened and insecure people like us. People will say that it’s because of capitalism while in reality they just don’t care about the issue enough and blaming capitalism seems to be the best way to end a conversation on a not-so-bad note. We do not dare to think how we want to live. We have immense fear for happiness. I am not claiming that we need to care about the issues, I am stating that we lack reflections and that we have too much guilt and shame for nothing.

We are cowards and we are lazy. We do not dare to even ask what is wrong with us. Based on the logics of how we understand South Korea’s conscription which frequently comes down to a) inevitable structuring of a society and b) patriotism as a moral. None of us who claim so can be given a ground upon which we can stand and criticize Nazism or Genocide. Right, you love your country? Kill those people. Again, I do not believe in morality and thus it is not my intention to say that we need a different reasoning for the necessity for conscription which would then allow us such “moral high ground”. I am pointing out the lack of reasonings behind the practice of such policy when observed from an individual level.

I cannot change the world and it is not my intention. I do not think any of my observations or reflections should be given more weight than a tiny dust floating around in my room. And this is not to be humble, this is to make clear of the perspective for most of my future writings if not all.